Love Co-Vid Style
Updated: Jun 24, 2020
by Buzz Miller
In these pandemic times, there are those who are going native and those who are going commando. Of course there are those who are just going crazy, like the toilet paper hoarders and the unmasked protesters who may or may not be around to vote in November.
As for me, I can’t afford to skip showers or wear dirty underwear, but I recently joined a dating site called Hot Hunks and Honeys Who Tested Negative.Com.
I had to lie a little bit about the hot hunk part of my profile. I believe the kids call this catfishing. But lies notwithstanding, I am now actively dating, and I think I have found true love.
When I logged onto the web site, I almost immediately saw her. Those eyes!
Actually those eyes were the only things I could see above her beautiful mask. But it was the sexiest mask I have ever seen -- sensuous pastels, layers of what looked like 100-percent cotton.
Our first date was dinner. She had take-out from Olive Garden. I had a nice curbside steak from Long Horn Steak House.
After dinner we made plans to cross paths returning to our respective homes. On the first date, no less! Man, was I ever encouraged.
On subsequent dates, we did the movies. She watched Netflix. I watched Amazon Prime. As I sat on my couch watching the movie, I moved my arm to the back of the couch where she would have nestled if we had been in the same house. She moved closer to where I would have been sitting if I were on her couch.
Romance was in the air.
One night when we were Zooming, she approached her screen for a good night kiss. I approached my screen. Our lips met.
As I pulled back from the screen, I noticed a slight elevation behind her mask. Was that her tongue? Or was it just a loose tooth?
I prefer to think tongue.
And then, heaven!
We decided to sleep together.
I went to Mattress Warehouse. She went to Mattress Factory. Our cameras zoomed in as we Zoomed. She wanted to know if I brought protection. I showed her my hand sanitizer. She showed me hers. What a night!
When I awoke in the morning, I turned on my computer and asked her, “How was it for you?”
She said it was okay, but the mattress was too soft and she didn’t sleep well. I told her the next time, we should try more upscale furniture stores that sold better mattresses. Everything was on sale now.
We are already planning our future. We love the theatre. I already have tickets for orchestra seating. I will be in row R, seat 4. She will be in the same row, seat 8.
If our arms are long enough, we will hold hands.
Buzz Miller is a retired Army aviator and aerospace industry logistics manager living in Oakmont. His writing has appeared in The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Art Matters magazine and other publications.