by J.B. Davis
As a dad, I confess. I can be a little relentless with the dad jokes, which come with dad territory.
O.k., so I practice my jokes in the mirror before greeting my kids at the table for breakfast. What better way to start the day than with something like, “What did the dalmatian say after breakfast? ‘That hit the spot.”’
I remember how excited I was to finally memorize that joke.
My kids, though? They didn’t show more than a yawn when I performed it for them. So lately I’m saving some of my best jokes for when they’re young adults and can appreciate my genius.
Here’s a gem: “Where do immortal college students shop? Forever 21.”
As you can see, I am a cool dad.
Or as the kids say, obvs.
At times, I practice dad jokes on my drive home from work in preparation for the dinner conversations I might have each evening.
Once, when I was driving along looking for anything and everything to make a joke about, I noticed the antenna on my truck and thought, “What did you think of the two antennae’s wedding? The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was great.”
That one was true genius. Obvs.
Despite the eye rolls my children give me, not everyone dislikes my jokes.
Even the police can sometimes have a sense of humor. I got out of a ticket once by telling the officer to keep an ear out on his radio in case a cup of coffee called in to report it was getting mugged.
Life skills, I tell you.
That cop was probably a dad, too. There are many of us out there.
Woefully, most kids just don’t understand the power of dad jokes. All they want to hear is “your -mama’s-so-fat” jokes, which I label tasteless.
For all you dads, here’s some advice. Do not fall victim to the bad-dad-jokes haters out there. Keep your jokes tight.
Also, wield the power of the dad joke delicately.
It’s like that joke, “Why should you not get in a fight with a pepper? Because it will get jalapeño face.”
Don’t get jalapeño children’s faces. Especially during quarantine.
Joke responsibly, dads.
One day your kids will understand.
J.B. Davis writes humorous, frightening stories for the Mysterious Creatures podcast and has also been featured in online humorous sites such as Robot Butt and Defenestration. He enjoys watering the dry spots on his lawn, listening to his homemade radio station, and making his wife and children numb to his bad jokes. Follow him on Twitter @_JBDavis_.