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Ask the Sticky Guru: Hot Yoga



Dear Sticky Guru:

I’m excited that gyms and yoga studios and nail salons will be opening soon! But how do I avoid people who flick their sweat on me at group yoga classes during Co-Vid times?

Sincerely,

Don’t Sweat on Me, Karen


Dear Don’t Sweat on Me:

I know many of us here in Pittsburgh where Sticky Couch is stuck are about to go green, but six-foot-social-distancing yoga classes are not going to cut it.

My advice: stay the fuck home and get your yoga on in your basement.


I know it’s dark down there and the only space for your yoga mat is next to your Pittsburgh Potty. But trust me. That potty is cleaner than Karen's sticky sweat.


For those of you not from Pittsburgh, a Pittsburgh Potty is a potty plopped in the middle of the basement.


It looks like this:

(photo by Ted Zellers/WESA)

Plus, Karen has not been social distancing. I see her every morning, taking her gossip-walk with Kathy and Becky. They are practically hugging the neighborhood gossip out of each other.

What I’m saying is, Co-Vid yoga is dangerous.

Roll out your mat and get your pose on at home where it’s safe and Karen-free.

Thoughts To Meditate On:

Inhale – Check your laundry.

Exhale – Organize that basement and stop hoarding shit.


Sticky Guru, aka Tonya Spritz Kapis, is an actual guru, artist, meditation teacher, SUP yoga guide, and yoga studio owner. You can find her online at ultimahealing.com or daylighting at ORDER takeout restaurant in North Huntingdon, where she can’t ever call off because the guy who sleeps next to her is the chef and knows if she’s faking sick. He thinks he’s the boss of her. He’s not the boss of her.

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